A New Thought


It wasn’t long before Monday-night Ancient Aliens became a tradition in my home. I watched every episode I could and the ones I missed I found online. It is not a stretch to say I became obsessed. I spent countless hours researching lost ancient civilizations. The more I saw and read, the more I wanted to explore on my own. It wasn’t enough to have 45 minutes of information a week, on a program which was no doubt censored and sanitized. I was beginning to need more and more to satisfy my growing desire for knowledge.

So I began to dig. Deep into the past I searched. Hours flew by as I hunted, and when he was finished his work day and arrived home, I excitedly shared my findings with my husband. Before long I convinced him too – and soon we were both caught up in the search for truth.

I can remember the early days when he and I began opening our minds to something we had never thought of before. What began as a simple curiosity, blossomed into an obsession. It wasn’t only that the subject matter intrigued me, but when I was learning about the archaic myths and suppressed information I felt that somehow I was right. I put in the time to search, but my husband and I learned together.

Ancient structures and civilizations that were never taught to us in school, were opened up to us as we investigated deeper. I found crucial circumstances in history that could literally have shaped our modern society today – yet no mention of these occurrences ever made it to the news or history lessons. We soaked up these new thoughts and ideals, and naturally opened our minds to the possibility of a whole new history of mankind. It was never a struggle for us to accept that we had been in the dark our whole lives and were only now seeing the light.

Looking back I can see the spark of curiosity growing into a burning flame that grew inside both of us. As our knowledge grew and we researched more we came to feel we were being lied to, and essential information was being suppressed from not only us, but all of society. I had spent hours putting my feelings and emotions into this research and was determined to prove it wasn’t all for nothing.  


The Stream of Thought

I am frustrated with myself that I cannot stay focused or aligned in one given direction, emotionally, financially, spiritually…. I long for the freedom to explore the world and experience everything – culture, nature, society – all that our planet has to offer. I feel that I am weak, unable to reach this goal, and therefore I am thrust into the same cycle of consuming and regurgitating society’s image of what life should be.

Was I stupid getting married young without having the education or experience to help support myself and my family? I always wanted a meaningful career with a good income, that typical lifestyle each one of us are told we should strive for. I only ever wanted to be happy and successful – a roll model and mentor for my children. I wanted to help heal and nurture those who needed it without feeling pity or judgement. I wanted my family to be proud of me…. I wanted to be proud of me.

But now I see that the journey I am on in this life is my education. My purpose is to learn and share my experiences with others. I am not college educated, but my heart knows I have learned more in my life so far than I ever thought I could. So I guess it’s time for me to open my eyes again…. or maybe for the first time. I won’t stop searching or sharing and I cannot wait for the next adventure

Playing for Love


No matter how I look at it, which perspective I try to take, I cannot find a single war or battle that wasn’t fought over the belief in a persons own immortal soul – the piece of that person that has them conceive their own spirituality.  Some may say that they are not spiritual people, that agnosticism is their personal stand. Yet if we truly take the time to sit quietly, contemplatively and look into ourselves will we not see that there must be something more to us, to our being, than the demand to satisfy basic elemental needs?  Could it be that the one thing we have the hardest time explaining is what motivates us in the first place? 

Ancient Egyptians believed that the human soul was made up of five parts: the Ren, the Ba, the Ka, the Sheut, and the Ib*. Of all these divisions, one of the most important parts was the Ib, or the heart.  This, to the ancient Egyptians, was considered the root of all thought and intention, including emotions. We know that it feels like your heart is breaking when you experience true sadness, like the death of a loved one.  Or your heart feels as if it may burst when you discover new love.  Do these emotions come from our physical body, chemicals aflame within in our systems creating a purely organic reaction? Or is the heart and the soul one?  Did the Egyptians have a greater spiritual endowment of understanding? 

It is true that the heart and the mind can sometimes feel as one, with either controlling the other despite our bravest opposition. Battles have been fought over love, hurt pride and ego. (Helen of Troy comes to mind…) And I can personally say I would die for the ones I love. 

The cynic in me however, bears to question these emotions.  Would it not be less complicated if love was all in our heads, if we could turn off the emotion like a dripping faucet to quiet our minds?  There are times when I wish I would never have loved, for then maybe I never would have lost… Although the times when I feel this way are never those moments when I am lost in happiness, overcome with joy – or even love.  

The physical heart is our most important organ.  Some would argue that the brain would have to take that task, for without it we would not have the consciousness that allows us to experience the cerebral manifestations we are exposed to in life.  Yet the life that is pumped from this flesh and blood machine which sits within the walls of our chest is what keeps us alive and viable beings.

Is it so much of a surprise then that when we are experiencing grief, jealousy or rage we often have a palpable pain in our chests?  I remember feeling as if I had been physically stabbed in my heart, to the point I lost my breath, when I was told the person most dear to me had died.  My heart felt broken, the corporeal misery was genuine and undeniable. 

The Buddhists say that a closed heart does not unconditionally love itself or others, and that when our hearts become calloused and locked we can only experience fear and loneliness.  It is not a coincidence that the Heart Chakra is positioned in the middle of our chests, above our hearts. If we open our hearts we will be able to experience unconditional love, compassion and forgiveness.  So this most vital organ in our body is the key to our understanding of life because life revolves around love and loss. We will infinitely endeavor to understand its function because that may be a step to help us understand ourselves.




Like most of the rest of the humans on planet Earth, I was at the time, searching for meaning and purpose in my life.  I was never a religious person, although I attended Sunday School and Christian camp as a young child.  Religion was never strongly instilled in me, so therefore my mind was left open to make its own decisions about creation and spirituality.

It was late in the year 2010, nearing the Christmas season.  I had lately been withdrawing from the consumerism and materialism I felt was a constant in society.  I had recently given birth to my second daughter, a beautiful little angel who reminded me that there was unquestionably something more to life, more to existence than buying and consuming, perpetually striving for the next upgrade or status symbol.

Although I had always felt that people had a choice to believe in whatever they wanted, and the freedom to do so was in itself a human right, I could never understand why so many people did not question the teachings of numerous different schools of religion.  I understood that many times religious beliefs were passed down from generation to generation, and in fact this is exactly how belief is kept intact throughout history.  Religion can help a culture answer questions that they would otherwise have no answer for, and this gives people security and peace of mind.  However, it was my personal experience with religion that left me wanting for more.

As I sat alone listening to the theories of different scientists and researchers on the primal question cognitive human beings have been asking since the dawn of our existence, a growing necessity presented itself to me – the passionate need to know why I, as a human, was so different than every other mammal on this giant drifting rock we call home.

Charles Darwin believed evolution was the answer to the question of where we came from.  He spent years trying to prove that our species has evolved from some primordial ooze countless years past at the dawn of our planets birth.  His theories are still relied upon today by countless scholars and professors, and are still taught in classrooms and colleges world-wide.  I am not saying that he is wrong, in fact I believe that the evolution of our Earth and its occupants must be, as least in part, entirely accurate.  As I would soon learn however, the theory of evolution played a major roll in what we, as a race, had (and will) become.

When an infant opens its eyes for the first time and before it sees the hazy shadow of its mothers face, does that child know within itself the mysteries of life?  Is it true that the thin cord of spirituality is only broken when the child becomes brainwashed and desensitized to its vital principle of spirit through society and its confinement? Is the tether permanently severed or can we reverse the blindness to once again interpret the spirit of our souls?

If we look at an animal new to this world, wobbling on its puerile legs, do we believe that this animal thinks to itself “Wow, what a unique and spiritual world I have been born into?” or does the animal take each day as it comes and trust its instincts to help it survive? Are we not an animal as well?

I believe people were once like this, having been born into a world where they were so different from the creatures they hunted and lived with, yet having the ability for cognitive thought and pre-thought, to think of the outcome of a situation.

When was it that human beings began to form organized religion? Was it when populations grew to such immense sizes that villages needed to be controlled or manipulated to create order? Or was it when people began to realize that they were special, unique in their habitat?  Perhaps man too looked at a newborn infant and watched it grow and learn, saw the light in its eyes as it discovered a new skill or uncovered a new feeling.  Or maybe it was the feeling we all have when something touches us deeply in our souls, a knowing, a passion, or a love.

We are all taught to never bring up religion on a first date – that doing so could mean disaster.  There is the possibility that the person you are with will have an entirely different belief system than you, and perhaps the difference of these beliefs to your own would almost certainly mean that there would be no common ground between parties.  Perhaps even arguments would ensue! Religion is a very touchy subject and can mean the difference between relationships working or crumbling.  How is it that something that entirely relies upon faith to keep it alive, has so much bearing on how human beings live their lives?  My own thoughts are that morality and kindness should steer the way and guide a persons path, despite their religious leanings.  If you are a Catholic and believe you are going to hell if you sin, does that make you not sin?  Or can that Catholic person be just as morally corrupt as the Christian or Buddhist down the way?  Why does our morality and values depend wholly on which abstraction we conform to?

I do not want to spend time debating whether or not this is true, if the guiding (and corrupting?) hand of religion is or is not the force behind a single individuals motives and actions.  However it is plain to see that throughout history of mankind many, if not all major wars were struck up because of conflict of belief.

To Begin

No one expects to have their entire life change in an instant.  We believe there will be a gratuitous flow, a slow procession that will alter our subconscious gently.  Yet all it takes is one thought, a single action to start the sphere of thought revolving in a vastly new direction.

I was scanning through the channels one night while I was home alone bored and not particularly motivated to do anything.  I came upon a program on the History channel and paused, partly because there was nothing else on the tube at 10pm on a Monday night, but also because the program instantly struck me as interesting.  It was called Ancient Aliens, and somehow had passed me by in the past.

I was not what you would call a history buff or even a conspiracy theorist but unique and antithetical schools of thought had always intrigued me, so I paused to measure my new find.

Searching for knowledge was not knew to me.  I could easily lose myself in a book for hours at a time, and if I found one that provoked my thoughts I would not put it down until I had digested the entire thing and absorbed its contents.  I cannot remember a time when I did not want to know more about what was going on around me, existence of life itself.  And not only my life, but lives of those who had come before me.  Their daily trials and tribulations always piqued my wonder and imagination and I could not help but feel their efforts, conscious or unconscious, had shaped what the world had become in the present.

After becoming a mother for the first time and watching new life form from nothing, I found a piece of me was born.  A cognizance was awakened to the awareness that it is not only our technological achievements that distinguish us human beings from other organisms on this planet, but our spirituality.  I could not look into the eyes of my infant daughter and not see a unique and extraordinary soul.

Before me flashed pictures, not of the typical little grey aliens we have all come to recognize as the “norm” for extra terrestrials, but by the large, bearded and gloriously bedecked beings that the program were claiming as the “Creators of Mankind”. I did not know it at the time but that was the beginning of a thought-changing chapter in my life.